My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
