where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
