Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
