now i know why i became what i already was.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
