I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
