Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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