dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
