if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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