pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
