4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
