Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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