Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
