Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
