you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
