YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
