the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
