i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
