Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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