this boner is exhausting
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
