it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
