im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
