they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
