My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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