youre lurking in front of me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
