Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
