please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
as a side note pls kill me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
