I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
