It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Someone signed my nipple.
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