what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
