Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
