I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
