Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
