some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
