God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
