I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No subtext here. People are naked.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
