highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
