You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
