Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
