We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
