You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
