Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
