her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
