In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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