I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
