The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
