Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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