This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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