his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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