ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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