just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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