Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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