You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
