Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
