That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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