someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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