I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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