State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
